I gotta feeling...

I have to admit that these past few weeks I have let my worries get the best of me.  My usual, ever present optimism, was replaced with doubt and a whole lot of what-ifs.  Optimism is a funny thing in that it waxes and wanes.  There are a few people in my life who are able to stay entirely optimistic (Amy and Kerstin, to name a few).  And while I am for the most part an optimist, there are times when I let my worries get me down.  Someone once told me that "Once you have a child, you never stop worrying."  and this is even more true when your child is born with any type of medical condition.  It hasn't been easy accepting that things won't be perfect for Magnus, but I wanted to share a few experiences that have given me hope. 

Two weeks before Magnus was diagnosed with nystagmus, Kerstin and I had a friendly chat with a blind woman in the ocularist's waiting room.  She was young and beautiful, accompanied by a black lab guide dog, and her story still amazes me.  Blind from birth, she grew up in a small farm town in Indiana.  After finishing high school she realized there wasn't much her town had to offer, so she moved away for college and finally ended up in Arlington to do a Masters degree at George Mason University.  Her specialty is in Human Capitol, requiring air travel 3 out of 5 days of the week.  If that still doesn't impress you, she's married and owns a home in one of Arlington's most spricey neighborhoods.  I know what you're thinking, "Damn, Ellie is such a snoop!" But we learned all of this after giving her a ride home (a full 30 minutes) AND she seemed happy to share her experiences and advice for raising children with visual impairments. So when the news came that Magnus' vision was worse than we expected, I took comfort in her story and knew that Magnus too, would be OK.

Weeks later though I started to feel down again.  I worried (and still do) about his inability to drive, employment limitations, and social awkwardness (it'll be really hard for him to make eye contact).  Then I read a story in People magazine that hit me like a brick.  One of the members of the Black Eyed Peas is legally blind because of nystagmus.



Apl.de.ap's story also touched me because he's from a part of the Philippines where I spent part of my early childhood, Angeles City.  You can read the story for yourself, but here it is in a nutshell: He was born to, then abandoned by his American father.  Adopted through the Pearl S. Buck Foundation, in part because of his visual impairment, he went on to form the Black Eyed Peas with will.i.am.  Now he DJs, dances, and performs in front of millions without much sight.  Amazing.  I think back to my childhood and remember driving past impoverished children on the way to my school on Clark Air Force Base.  They sold chewing gum and newspapers in intersections and I always wondered why they weren't in school.  Did I ever drive by apl.de.ap on the way to school?  Looking back and comparing my upbringing to his, I lived a privileged childhood.  Either way, if he could overcome both poverty and low vision to fulfill his dream of making and performing music, I gotta feeling that things will be more than alright for Magnus. 

I believe that if he dreams and works hard enough, things will be downright amazing.