A few weeks ago, while washing my hands in the bathroom at work, I looked up at the mirror and thought "What the f*ck. I left the house looking like this? And Mattias didn't say anything?!?" Two well groomed eyebrows were replaced with ornery tarantulas, parked right above my horrified eyes. Later on in the week I got home and swore that some kind of atomic toy/dirty laundry bomb had gone off in the house. And even though we got back from our business trips weeks ago, there are piles of stuff reproducing in our bedroom like a bad science experiment! Poor Linus made the mistake of crawling under our bed only to tell me later "It's dirty under here, Mamma."
"What happened to me?" I now ask regularly, as I try to remember that put-together-everything-has-it's-place-Ellie of yesteryear. Remember her? My usual answer is "I've become a loser." I've become that person, who doesn't send thank you notes or even emails after receiving a gift. That person, that shies from committing to an invitation or bails last minute on plans. Yup, that would be me.
Mattias being the good friend and husband that he is always says, "Ellie, you are the last person in the world I would call a loser." And looking back at the past few months of photos shows me why:
Our kids are thriving.
It really sucks that I have to put aside my pre-parenthood habits more frequently than I would like. I would love to maintain better grooming/hygiene, set a better example of etiquette, and be that person who is always up for going out. But if I tried to be my pre-parenthood self, would I have time to take Magnus to the National Arboretum for a stroll?
Would I have time to go with Linus to tumbling class every week?
If I were busy trying to keep the house clean, would I miss out on a morning hike around Great Falls?
Or a trip to the National Zoo to the see the lion cubs' 1st birthday party?
I can't say yes or no definitely, but here's what I do know: these are the Wonder Years. I will forever look back at this time as one of the most magical and joyous times of my life. So what if the house is always a huge mess, and that I spend most of my time cooking and cleaning, and chasing, and being generally busy? The sad truth is that this time is short lived, and that soon enough these boys will have lives of their own, forgoing outings with me for hanging out with friends.
I can always wish for more time and energy, but the Time & Energy Fairy might not visit for a while. So until then, I have to accept that my eyebrows will be bushy and my house will be messy.
